So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
me + whiskey = a bad person
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize