Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I have feelings that need drinking.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
