Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize