Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize