I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
