Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
