it's not cheating when I paid for it
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
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