I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
