Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
