One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
