With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
