Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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