The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
