Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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