drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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