I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
