She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
