do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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