As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
