ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
