why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize