he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
