Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
