I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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