i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
