I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize