Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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