I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
