I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I want a musical about memes.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
