Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
