this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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