ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
