I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize