At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
