90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I deserve this hangover.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
