I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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