Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
