So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
