carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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