I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I need mimosas to revive my soul
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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