I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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