I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize