thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
