she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
