jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
