if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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