Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
