So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
