cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
