Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
