Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
