I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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