Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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