and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
