And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize