if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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