put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I wear drunk well.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
