I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
