my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm always down for nudity.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize