There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
