Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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