Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
My vagina just recognized that song.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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