Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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