At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
