I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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