You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Help. Why am I so naked?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
