so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
