i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
