the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Randomize
