i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
