I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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