what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
she told me i tasted like america
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
