Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
