last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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