This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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