Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just had sex on a roof
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
