You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
