Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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