I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
